I did say that I expected to get over my disappointment in myself and my story. It just took a little longer than I expected.
Well, no, that's not entirely the case. It's still there, chewing away at my heart. But I remembered something important.
I'm not intending to show anyone this story so that feeling can sod right off. Following on from one of the posts I linked to before, it's my story and I'll write what I damn well like, even if it is atrocious. I can always edit later, I can pretty it up and fix the awkward phrasing.
But I can't do any of that if I don't finish it.
And on that note, since no one else is going to see it, I realised something else--I don't have to censor myself as much as I have. I'm not sure why I was, honestly. Some peculiar in-built sense of... decorum? Gods only know. But it's quite liberating to know I can now go back to some earlier scenes and make them smuttier.
Or, as I referred to it on Twitter earlier, "racier" (a sure sign I'm getting old).
What brought about this little revelation, other than moping around and whinging for a couple of days? Nothing complicated, just that after changing my icon I wanted a new background for my Twitter page, so I decided to make a more relevant one using my main character, Kirill. After I'd finished working on it and loaded it, I thought he looked lonely, so I reworked it to include Niko, Kir's love interest. Working on that and thinking about their relationship gave me the kick up the arse I needed to miss writing them.
Bit of an odd thing to drag me to my senses, I guess. Well, it was that and the sex scenes I won't be able to write if I don't get cracking, because it turns out that Niko has taken quite a liking to Kir...
Anyway, isn't the point to have fun, above anything else? I'm not going to let someone else spoil or take away my fun--especially not when in the future it gets to involve some light bondage and ridiculously cute conversations smack in the middle of sex...
If you'll excuse me, I've got a project to finish.