Potential Site Changes!

I’m getting restive, and more frustrated by the layout of this site. It works how I want, but there are little things that it’s almost impossible to change due to the template I’m using.  So I think I’m going to rejig things a little and try out a couple of new templates and see what fits.

Who knows, I might end up coming back to this one?  But then, I might find a better fit too.

So if things suddenly start to look just a little peculiar, that’s why.

(I think I’m probably procrastinating… I’m waiting on a slow-moving render to finish!)

Pax Asteriae's July 2020 bullet journal title page, with a distinctly nautical theme and a natty purple life ring. "You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water."

July 2020 Bullet Journal

Only 17 days late!  It took me a little time to find a quote I liked — I’d done the rest of the pages on the 2nd or 3rd, I think — so it’s a very delayed set of pictures.

It didn’t take a long time to create though, what with the not needing any extra pages thing; it’s not like I can go anywhere that might require more exhaustive info.  Strangely therapeutic though, it was the closest to enjoying mindless doodling I’ve come.  (I don’t much enjoy aimless drawing.)

And no writing-related things, because although it’s Camp NaNoWriMo — not that you’d guess, most of the emails have been about the Young Writer’s Programme — my writing progress, as you can see from the habit tracker, is distinctly spotty.  Uninterrupted writing time is hard to come by, even (especially?) when you’re trapped at home.

Colours again provided by the Zebra Mildliners, in particular the gold, smoke-blue and magenta pens from the Deep & Warm set.

If I was in any way organised, I’d already be considering what next month’s theme is.  As it is… well, maybe next time I’ll manage to share the pages before halfway through the month!

Does anyone else bullet journal?  I’d love to see your pages, so drop a link in the comments if you want to share.

Status Update July 2020 - Of Renders, Awards, and Not Writing (featuring handsome naked Alex) - Pax Asteriae Fiction

Status Update July 2020 – Of Renders, Awards, and Not Writing

A 3D image of a naked Alex Jaska, created by Pax Asteriae for their cellphone. (Not this image, obviously; this one's far too small.)

The bank’s sorted, although not without my getting angry. They say they locked my entire account — in the middle of a global pandemic — because I hadn’t logged into online banking in 6 months. Which I would have known, they say, if I’d logged into my online account. But I hadn’t. And they failed to inform me of this in writing so unsurprisingly I had no idea.

I am genuinely considering contacting one of the financial pages in a newspaper to ask if this kind of asshattery is considered normal. I’ve banked with the NatWest for a depressing 20 years (the same amount of time, funnily enough, that I’ve had this mobile number). I can’t see myself banking with them for another 5 now, let alone another 20.

Corporate stupidity aside, life continues much as normal, which is with a fair bit of work and not much writing. My wildly self-indulgent project named itself last night. Peculiar, given I can’t get actual projects to name themselves, but there we go. It’s called The Bastard and the Deep Blue Sea (and I can call it that because it’s wildly self-indulgent and no one else is gonna see it~) and I can even see how the cover will look. I drafted out the text layout last night.

Now I just need to write more than four and a half chapters, when work and home life will allow.

Thing is, I got back into the 3D work I used to do a long time ago, and it keeps distracting me. At least this kind of procrastination is productive, though. To your left there is Alex, one of the Radial main characters. I can now finally render fairly realistic looking versions of my boys. (And that is my new phone background!)

And, bonus, I can now render smutty pictures of them, which amuses me vastly.

The strangest thing about it is, even though it’s procrastination — you can lose hours without even realising just from tweaking skin settings and minutely adjusting lights — it’s a little like digital colouring for me: it forces me to think. The wildly self-indulgent project came about from a render I did for a challenge: I fiddled around, created a character, and suddenly he had a plot and back story and was demanding I write about him. (He may now have changed his mind on that.) A weird but fun post-Fourth Arc story for Radial turned up in my head while noodling around with one of the aforementioned smutty pictures of Milos and Alex.

And, slightly more weirdly, another render I did for that challenge was an Honourable Mention and won me $5. Which I was happy about not for the cash, but because I really enjoyed setting up that render. It almost came together by itself and the end result both came out how I’d wanted and rendered very quickly (not a guaranteed thing!) so I was on the whole very happy.

Not sure what to do with all the renders. I’m having fun creating pictures of Alex and Milos’s everyday life to a certain degree — there’s a sparring picture from the Fourth Arc, and one of Milos training with his long-suffering martial arts instructor (who turned out to look a bit like Sean Bean). I should probably add them to Patreon, free for the ones I already shared elsewhere, and maybe figure out a tier (or add a new one) for the smutty stuff. I don’t know.

So… not dead yet. Still coming up with stories, even if I’m still struggling to actually write. Even when I remind myself that no one else is gonna read TB&TDBS, sometimes I still freeze up. I’ll get over it soon, at least for that. And I’d like to be able to figure out where the story’s going for this intriguing Radial story that seems to start with an unexpected romantic getaway under the guise of work, and then actually turns into work.

We’ll see how things go.

I’ll get around to sharing pictures of my bullet journal at some point too.

Image of a padlock on top of three debit cards beside a keyboard, by TheDigitalWay on Pixabay

Banking woes. Basically, I’m fucked.

On the stroke of midnight 1st July, the NatWest locked my account. I found this out, also on the stroke of midnight, as a Kindle preorder failed to process.

On logging in to my online banking account, I found out this was to force me to give them my mobile number for 2-factor authentication – despite the fact that when I rang customer services last month to enquire when my replacement card would be sent, their system recognised my phone number.

They don’t actually have to take such a heavy-handed approach, but the NatWest will never not take up an opportunity to lock my account.  I can’t ring them now to complain, because my rolling PAYG contract, which I usually top up by £30 every three months in an O2 store because, surprise surprise, they lock my account when I do it online, has run out of money because, thanks to COVID-19, I can’t get into Nottingham to do it.  And now I can’t even top up online because… they’ve locked my account.

Additionally, I can’t just log in and give them my phone number because they’re demanding I use the card reader authenticator they sent me a decade ago, and have never once before required I use.  Since this was, y’know, ten years ago.  I have no idea where it is, so they said they’d send me a new one.

Four days later… no sign of it yet.

So yes. I’m fucked. I have all of £10 in my PayPal account, that I won on the Postcode Lottery of all things, that will go as soon as one of the monthly debits comes in.  I can’t access anything else.  In the middle of a global pandemic.  While I’m a full-time carer to a disabled person.

Because the NatWest have been, yet again, frankly stunning in their incompetence.

Although it shouldn’t be a surprise, coming from an organisation that once encouraged me to use a credit card to pay off my overdraft.

I’m at a loss, I really am.

Although I have a Ko-Fi, I always feel… weird and twitchy asking people for money – that kind of all-over skin-creep, like the thought of someone prodding tiny needles into your shoulders – and anyway, I had to step back from social media for my mental health.  I’m not about to return solely to beg for money.  That’s just insulting.

Let’s hope I can get it sorted by the 8th, or the home-delivery shopping I booked half a month ago (yes, it really is that hard to get delivery slots still) won’t be arriving.

(Incidentally: yes, I have contacted them by email. You can only do it through a contact form, and only once you press send does it say they won’t bother actually answering, but they thank me for the positive feedback. Because they’re an embarrassment.)

JuNoWriMo 2020 Header

JuNoWriMo 2020 – Day 4

Raindrops keep falling on my cat
But that doesn’t mean I ought to wear her like a hat
Nothing seems to fit
‘Cause she keeps crawling off my
She keeps crawling off my head…

Yesterday’s word count: 50 

Didn’t have a great day yesterday.  It’s hard to write when your brain fights against you every step of the way.  It’s just a combination of everything and a healthy dollop of Writer’s Doubt on top of it.  Not Writer’s Block, but the sure and certain knowledge that every single word I write is absolute shit, no part of it is redeemable and the world would be a better place if I just stopped.  Again.

(A lot of people would agree with the last part of that.)

I keep telling my brain that I’m not actually planning on letting anyone see this story.  I fully agree that the world is a better place without my writing, but I’d like to be able to do it in the privacy of my own laptop nonetheless.  Hopefully soon it’ll agree with me and I’ll be able to write more than a couple of hundred words.  It’d be a lot more productive than dumping ridiculous song lyrics into my head every time I walk into the kitchen at any rate.  The above is an example of what I got when I went to use the oven.

I don’t even know why it can do that but not provide an even marginally coherent narrative.  Possibly because there’s only me in the kitchen, not me, a dog, a cat, three loud birds and my mother.  No, I can’t get away with writing in the kitchen.  The table’s too high (or the benches are too low) and it’s in desperate need of a tidy.

Well, no point in whining, even if there is only me here (and the crickets, of course).  It’ll either get done or it won’t, and it’s right now looking like it’s veering towards “won’t.”

We’ll see.

JuNoWriMo 2020 Header

JuNoWriMo 2020 – Day 2

Day start word count: 564

Not off to a great start there.  Every time I sat down to write something either cropped up, or I got Told Things Very Loudly (no, ignoring it does not make it go away, it gets me shouted at instead).  However, today is a very empty work day: an hour and a half in total.  Bad for pay but good for writing… allegedly.  How that plays out in reality we shall see.

Wish me luck!  I’ll need all I can get.  As my status report at the top of the JuNoWriMo spreadsheet says… Get on with it!

(Some light killing of noisy neighbours may need to occur first.)

JuNoWriMo 2020 Header

JuNoWriMo 2020!

I’ve been in need of some motivation lately.  I have a lot of projects sitting barely started or half-finished (and I mean a lot), and I desperately need a push to get a few of them completed.  So when I saw about JuNoWriMo a couple of days ago, I… not so much leapt at the chance as I dipped a toe in its vague direction.  I don’t historically have a lot of luck with extracurricular NaNo experiences (and I’m increasingly struggling with the main NaNoWriMo event due to the complete absence of uninterrupted writing time I get) so I’m a little wary of this.

But at the same time, a kick up the backside to get Singer/Songwriter finished (and maybe even titled, who knows? certainly not me) would be a great help.  It’s not like Blake and Marcus aren’t trying to progress through the plot without me or anything…  (No, really.  They’re getting further through the book than I am.  This might help?  But it probably won’t.)

So here I am, announcing with a certain degree of trepidation that I’m taking part in JuNoWriMo.  Feel free to ask me how my writing is going (my comments are always open; empty – seriously, even the spam bots have given up – but open), and feel equally free to yell at me if I’m not making progress.

Now I suppose I better start writing…!

Current word count: 0

Current chapter: Four

Pax Asteriae's June 2020 bullet journal page, showing a qute on the left and red rocks on the right.

June 2020 Bullet Journal

After neglecting my poor bullet journal for a few months, a sudden burst of energy came over me and I actually managed to produce this month’s pages!

I’d actually intended to use this theme for one of the previous month’s filler pages (since it’s been a while since I last did it… so much for it being able to help my ADHD!) but I started doodling it on the month page without thinking, then it kind of ran away with me.

Why pink?  Good question.  It’s because just over six months ago, I selected all my colours for each month on my year-at-a-glance page.  It seemed like a smart idea at the time.

Pax Asteriae's year-at-a-glance spread for their bullet journal

There’s June, looking all… pink.  Handily, I have some Tombow ABT pens that match up almost perfectly with the Zebra Mildliners I created that spread with, so that worked out quite well in terms of colour range.

It’s only simple this month, because I don’t think I’m going to be needing a weekly planner, all things considered.  I might add something more writing-related than my usual tracker though, since it’s JuNoWriMo and I’ll be using it to try to make a serious dent in my Singer/Songwriter story.  Maybe even find a title, who knows?

…Of course, I’d have started making that dent if I hadn’t spent a couple of hours working on this.  I had intended to do this yesterday, but life does like to get in the way a lot for someone who barely gets to leave the house.

If anyone has any great ideas for writing-related spreads I’d love to see them.  Failing that (since I know it’s all crickets round here), if I find any good ones I’ll edit this and add them for future reference.

The Solstice, an m/m romance novella by Pax Asteriae

I Did A Thing (which means m/m romance novella The Solstice is now available for preorder!)

I should have been writing, I know.  I've got a whole bunch of things, not just Marcus and Blake, waiting for some love and attention.

The cover of The Solstice, an m/m romance novella by Pax Asteriae

One of them, though, is The Solstice, one of the Tales from Rosgarde I started writing in preparation for NaNo.  It took a... little longer to finish than anticipated: I completed it around midnight at New Year.  Quite aptly.

And now, in an uncharacteristic fit of optimism, I edited it and published it!  Well, set it up for preorder.  It comes out Friday 22nd May.

It was going to be Amazon exclusive, like the others, in order to be enrolled in KDP Select, but with the backlash against Jeff Bezos' news that he is now a trillionaire (!!!) I know quite a few people are now avoiding Amazon.  So, to everyone's dismay, I dusted off my passwords to Kobo Writing Life and Smashwords and logged into Google Play Books, and it's now available to preorder from there too.

Do I imagine queues of people desperate to preorder?  Not on your life.  And it's currently giving me a headache because it means lots of links on book pages instead of one or two, and Smashwords never actually gives you the links to the pages for their expanded distribution just to be awkward so I can never track down a link to Apple Books / iTunes / whatever the hell they're calling themselves now.

Couldn't I just submit through Apple, now they've finally opened their registration to us plebs without a sainted Apple device?

No.  Because Apple couldn't run a piss-up in a brewery, if that archaic and ridiculous sign-up process is anything to go by.

So Smashwords it is, for that anyway.

And what else?

Well, there may be a paperback on its way too...  I really can't imagine anyone buying it, but I felt like having fun.  (And yes, I really do consider formatting fun. 😀 )

So now it's just a matter of waiting, and then pretending I didn't Do The Thing because this always strikes terror into my little withered heart.

Such fun.

So if you like your m/m romance with boys who're angry, arsey and quick to fall in love, it's a short read, it has smut (ooooh) and it'll be relevant maybe once a year or so. Who knows.  Maybe if I write more of the longer Rosgardian stories, it may one day warrant a page of its own...

One hand raised above the waterline. Not waving, just drowning.

Because If You’ve Not Written A Novel In Lockdown You’re Just Not Trying

(Or: why applying your life to other people’s is a moronic thing to do)

I keep seeing people complaining about how unproductive they’ve become, writing-wise, since the world went to shit and entered lockdown some five or six weeks ago.  That it’s difficult juggling working from home with a home life that suddenly decides it’s going to intrude at all kinds of random times (usually while they’re working) and fitting both the motivation for and the action of writing into all that.

So let’s try a little thought exercise.