I am not a good editor for many, many reasons that I won't get into here.  The notes I leave myself are possibly just one indicator of this.

At least I'll notice it's there I guess.  Doesn't always happen...

...There's something about spring that makes me want to buy stuff, which is always fun.  One of the most recent purchases: external wifi for the old laptop.  Disabled the internal wifi adaptor (it still crashed), then installed the software for this and — so far anyway, fingers crossed and touch wood and all that — it's actually fine.  No further crashes.

Of course, it then thought its own power unit, which came with it, was a travel version and cautioned me about power consumption, but hey.  It's an old, cheap HP laptop with only 4GB RAM.  It's bound to still have shitty issues even though it's just been entirely reformatted, right?

​Sigh.

Oh look, I actually started writing for Camp NaNo.  I've written maybe, oh I dunno, 500 words?

They're all shit and I hate each one of them individually as well as en masse.

They were also like pulling teeth and I had to give up because I was sitting in the living room and even though I was wearing earphones and listening to music while I struggled to write, simply being in the same room as my mother meant I needed a blow-by-blow account of her reading the newspaper online.  In the end I concluded this really wasn't going to work and went to watch Re:Mind in my office instead.  (While writing this I am, again, getting another detailed announcement of every article in the paper she finds interesting.  However this time I'm not even in the same room as her.  She's just yelling it out.)

I also finally started editing a story I began for the A-Z Challenge several years ago.  It was supposed to just be ... I dunno, flavour text but the next thing I knew it developed a plot and wandered off.  I think it finished up at 20k words.

Not that it actually turns out to have much plot.  I think a lot of early chapters need smushing together.

Yes.  Smushing is a technical term.  It's what I'll be doing with my head between the door and its jamb later.

When I was in my teens I loved Douglas Adams' books.  In my 20s I found a copy of The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, which we didn't have at home, while I was in the US.  The section on memory space and penguins turned up in a dream a few years ago; each box was filled the penguins from a British Gas advert.  I wasn't sure whether I was impressed or felt short-changed my penguins were on the budget side of things, but both the book and the dream explained a lot of things I think (in both senses).

Samuel Taylor Coleridge's weirdness makes him one of my favourite poets.  Was it precipitated by reading Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency as a young teen?  Or did its obscure reference in Marathon help?  (And how closely related, on that note, is the W'rkncacnter to the Flood?)

I only started watching the Netflix series of Dirk Gently because a friend recommended it.  I'd watched the BBC version, but they tried to update and retell the second book without any of Adams' wit, and it was just an embarrassing, tedious experience.  I had no great expectations for the Netflix series, which is why I didn't watch it, but there's nothing on TV on a Saturday night.

And suddenly we've just finished episode 3.

I think Douglas Adams would be proud.  It's weird enough, it doesn't retread things it doesn't need to and it's actually funny.  I'm enjoying it so far, which is more than I can say for one episode of the BBC's attempt.  (But the BBC haven't understood humour for a while now.  It's Channel 4 doing the heavy lifting these days.)

Although...  If you want weird and unexpectedly emotional, there's Starship Titanic on the PC.  I'd wanted it on the PC waaaaay back with our first computer, which has to be 15 years ago?  Never got it, but I eventually got it on GOG a couple of years ago.  I finished it either late last year or early this year and, you know... it's probably much less an emotional experience when the author is still alive.

It turns out videos that are, relatively speaking, from beyond the grave are quite offputting.  Quite emotional.

I'm sure he'd be proud of that too, in some way.

Trying out a variety of characters and play styles in Overwatch and Jesus fucking Christ I am a terrible healer.  Or rather... I'm not the most hideous at it, but healers are squishy and die so very easily, and my team won't stay together where they can be easily fixed, so you're dashing off trying to stop people dying and getting shot in the head with depressing frequency.

Good thing I'm used to that really.

I'm not a natural tank either, too slow and cumbersome, not fast enough to get out the way, although I've seen some excellent tank players and I'm kinda jealous.  I'm sorta-okay with Bastion, who's basically a mobile gun turret so while slow, yes, the DPS aspect appeals, but unfortunately it turns out I really am best with Soldier: 76.  Except for the times I'm absolutely fucking awful, but it's generally not too bad.  I got a 25-person kill streak earlier, not something I seem able to achieve with anyone else, even the other straight-up shooters.  Plus you can still kinda heal your team, which works for me.

Was brave enough to try playing quick-play, so team of people against other team of people.  Again, either fucking awful or not too bad, so I've gone back to playing against the AI (but this time on hard instead of medium) to try to get better.

...Not really feeling like I'm getting better yet.

I look weird blond, but it's kinda growing on me...  Though right now I kinda look like a fatter Scott.

Weird goings-on in the kitchen again.  Twice now the jigger's glided gracefully towards me after I've put it down.  The bottom's probably damp, but it's just weird that it gets used every day but this is the first time it's taken to roaming over the textured work surfaces.  We'll see what happens tomorrow.

And the parrot's monkey nuts threw themselves off the kitchen table while I was fiddling with the washing machine, but that was probably some disturbing psychic attack from the bird in question who can see into the kitchen from his current location and who'd stuff himself into circularity with them given half a chance.

I'm not avoiding writing (he says, choking back a laugh) but I'm trying to fix up my old work laptop to use.  Thing is, it's my old work laptop for a reason: the wifi adaptor keeps dropping out, and either it then loses it down the back of the sofa (again) or it just randomly reboots (which it isn't supposed to, it's supposed to give me an error message, but perhaps it lost that setting after it randomly rebooted).  Sometimes it can go for ages without issues — it went overnight and through to midday today without an issue downloading and installing updates for Windows 8 (yes I know I know) — and then it can crap out twice in the space of ten minutes.  I've tried a variety of settings so now I guess it's just Wait And See, and failing that it's taking the back off it and seeing what's come loose.  Although even if it's come loose it shouldn't be rebooting.

Hopefully, if the wifi issue can't be fixed I can just turn off the wifi altogether and that'll keep it stable — and maybe, just maybe, me off the internet long enough to write something.

I'd say "something not-shit," but we all know that's ​a lie.

I foolishly bought Overwatch while it was on sale.  It's one of those games that always looked interesting, and basically everyone I know plays it, but the idea of playing with other people always put me off.

Which is weird really because I used to play World of Warcraft and I still play Tera now.  Hell, now it turns out it's on PS4 I've even got a character on that.  (But I can't get used to not using a keyboard.  I need number and F keys, I can't chain the moves I need on a fucking controller.)

But people whinge on consoles.  Really whinge.  Reporting people for abusive language, soliciting private information and cheating just because they got shot kind of whinge.  I think the only reason I decided to play it was because I locked down absolutely every form of communication I could beforehand.  I can't even have friend requests right now ... which is okay because it's not like I ever get any anyway.*

I haven't dared actually play a mode involving all real people in Overwatch yet, but I've done like... three AI matches on medium?  The weird thing is, I was expecting it to be some kind of offline botzone for people like me who're going "yeah... I have no idea what I'm doing" but all my teammates are real people, which is pretty cool.  Even got PotG in the second match which was cool too, albeit confusing because mostly I was running around like a moron trying not to die.  (Again.  Look, staying alive beats the ridiculously long run to the capture point.)

I had a brief try of various characters in the training room and it turns out I play best with Soldier: 76.  Old, grumpy... yeah, this isn't a surprise, is it?

I think I can schedule some writing in next ... Tuesday.

Subject to availability.

Fairly often I wish I was a cute guy without a ton of anxiety issues so I could do YouTube videos.  But I'm an amorphous blob instead (hey, I was thin once ... maybe just over two sedentary jobs ago) and I run away from mirrors rather than towards them (so at least I'm safe from demons?) so it's not a wish that ever goes anywhere.

Sometimes it'd be nice to actually be able to demonstrate some of the cool clothing stuff I buy without worrying about anyone ever seeing my awful face.  But eh.  Not happening.

I really do need to lose some weight though...  Again, not happening, especially not with so little sleep.  I'd fall asleep halfway down the street and anyway, who wants to take up running again when people'd just stare and go "yeah, you get running fatty."  And yes, I know that's what people'd say, even if you're thinking all that false bullshit about "people aren't that mean."  Yes.  Yes they are.  I've got 34 years of experience of it, but it's kinda nice that others don't and can persist in that naive mentality.

I don't even mean that sarcastically.  It's genuinely lovely that some people haven't experienced it, and I hope wholeheartedly that it continues for them.  The world'd be even more shit than it is if everyone'd had the bad experiences.

I'm supposed to be doing Camp NaNo but the lure of Far Cry 5 is hard to resist.  Except I may have to stop for a while 'cause a helicopter's been hovering around in the area for about an hour now (I can only assume there's been an accident or the traffic's bad) and I keep getting the urge to hide in the conifers every time I go outside.

But Camp NaNo involves writing (urgh) and, more importantly, having the time to write without having to stand up every five minutes to walk into another room to deal with something my mother could do if she bothered to stand up.  (She can stand up, but it's easier to make me do it.  Even if it's letting the cat into the living room, the door of which is literally right next to her.)  And on top of that, I'm working 48 hours this week and my brain's just not in the right mood for writing after 4-5 hour batches of shifts.  Not a job you can get up and wander around, photocopy things and chat to co-workers in.  Nope.  Just 48 hours of angry pre-teens, people lying about what someone else did — like I can't fucking see there's no pornography or child abuse in a post that just says "haha" or "shut up" — and a depressingly large Easter half term batch of dick pics and porn.

Add to that five or six hours of sleep a night and YAY SO MUCH FUN.

But Royal Mail are shit.

Could've — should've — been delivered before Easter, but that'd be too easy wouldn't it?  Sigh.  Suspect companies should start asking for refunds, but RM just like to say they aim to deliver it in that time scale.

Which is why I never send anything first class any more.  It takes just as long as second class for more money ... and they wonder why they keep losing money.

So apparently today was Trans Day of Visibility, which I missed because I was out at a Camp NaNo prep meet which didn't involve much prepping, mostly due to me being a shit ML and also because there were about four of us, one of which isn't doing Camp NaNo at all but comes along 'cause it's fun and we like him.   But the three of us did do a little work, we ascertained one person's plot problem was now resolved anyway without us and the third writer got a whole lot more done than me.  (But I did figure out a character's name and motivation, so not a dead loss either.)

So.  Uh.

Hi.  I'm Pax.  I'm super-gay and a trans guy, except one whose home life means he's so far in the closet he's in fucking Narnia, to quote quite a lot of people smarter than me.  And also technically aroace because autism and don't fucking touch me and shit, but pretty guys.  Seriously.  (Also pretty girls, but not really in quite the same way.)