I finally found a shelf big enough to fit the monstrous beast of a colour printer on. I've only been looking since last year but nothing was ever wide enough (which is why I now have a large shelf on the floor with a sewing machine on) or deep enough (so it didn't get bought).
I eventually found one on Amazon last week, built it last night and now it has two printers on!
Which has revealed two further things: the colour printer has to go on the top or you will never, ever be able to fix paper jams (which it does spectacularly), and that I need another extension cable because the plug is nowhere near long enough and currently the extension is hovering half a foot off the floor.
Well, that and the b&w HP printer is currently unplugged because that one went into a completely different socket and it doesn't stretch to the other side of the desk.
Upside is I've now got a handy shelf. I can probably even stuff my work laptop underneath it.
Or just throw it out the window, because it's just crashed twice in one hour-long shift. I've ordered a replacement and waiting on it arriving, and hopefully it won't suck quite as bad as this one. It's got double the memory (not saying much), a better processor (core i3 instead of celeron) and — and it seems this is crucial based on the frequent error messages — onboard intel graphics rather than ATI.
Bear with me here.
I keep getting BSODs with the ATI card, but my old laptop had onboard graphics and was a real workhorse: I have fond memories of playing Amnesia on it and letting out a loud enough yell that the dog thought I was mortally wounded and came to investigate. (I didn't get on well with the Kaernk until I lost it in a corridor and never saw it again. Oddly I became quite fond of it after that.) And let's face it, can it be worse than what keeps happening now?
What's that? It can? Oh well.