So let me tell you about something that happened maybe a week ago. Well, actually, two things that happened a week ago, that coincidentally happened on the same day.
Thing One was being asleep and waking suddenly, kinda violently, to feel a finger being pressed into the back of my neck. Not just once either, but three times: once at the top just below the base of my skull, then on the next vertebra down, and then the next. As in I can feel the indentations.
So I flip over because what the actual fuck. And obviously nothing. And it's creepy as fuck but you know, just because you can feel something prodding against your skin and you're nowhere near anything that can do it, doesn't mean you weren't mysteriously asleep while being rudely awakened. Offputting, but no big deal really.
Thing Two has the added bonus of having an aural witness! My mother was in the living room. I'd fed the dogs in the kitchen and gone to the downstairs toilet (yeah yeah tmi). Minding my own business etc. and suddenly there this knocking — banging enough to rattle the door in the frame — on the door. I leap to my feet and yank up my pants, thinking my mother needs the toilet and I'm taking too long, and fling the door open to find ... nothing.
I asked my mother if she'd knocked on the door, although I can't see how because she's hardly sprightly enough to leap from the hall into the living room and onto the sofa in that time and she looks at me funny and says she'd heard it too, but she'd thought someone was knocking at the front door or something.
Hint: absolutely nobody at the front door, and firstly I'd have seen them when I left the bathroom and... secondly it wouldn't rattle the bathroom door...
Which is all really pissing me off to be honest. One or the other on their own but two in one day? Seriously? We're still joking about it now, but it's irritating.
I'd be the world's worst ghost hunter. I have no patience with this shit.*
* Having discovered it wasn't my mother, I may have yelled out "sod off." To date this seems to have worked.